For those of you who don’t know – when I refer to ‘salvation’ or ‘being saved’ it is what we Christians mean when we accept God/Jesus into our lives and admit that we are in need of a savior (Jesus) as we are sinners and cannot do anything to escape this fact by ourselves. It is also called being ‘born again’ as it is the start of a new/transformed life where God starts to mold and change us, and use us to help other people (our calling).
Because of the nature of my salvation, I knew what my calling was within a very short time – to work in mental health, in particular focusing on meeting the spiritual needs in this area. But that didn’t mean I could step into it immediately, no matter how much I wanted to. This is a journey that God is still leading me in and has used to teach me a lot about His timing and His idea of what is most important.
At the time I was saved I was working in dairy farming here in New Zealand. I loved the job and could see myself staying in it for the foreseeable future, working my way up the ladder a bit and hopefully obtaining residency through it, which was a lot easier back then! God was not on my mind at all and never had been, even though I went to a Church of England primary school as a child and learnt all about Jesus. I had no time for religion and thought it was all ridiculous, but I thought if I had to choose one I’d probably go for Buddhism (my partner was Buddhist). I don’t think I’d met a true believer before, or if I had I’d just brushed them off as weirdoes! I think it was because of this that my reaction to meeting God for the first time was so severe – as I mentioned in my intro, I ended up being admitted to a mental hospital for a couple of weeks!
It was through this personal experience that I realized how important the spiritual aspect of our mental health is and that it is the area that gets the least attention in the path to recovery/healing. Luckily I was in and out of the mental health system quite quickly, but it could have been a lot worse and often is for other people. In the short time I was in hospital I learnt a lot and believe I was able to help a few of the other patients I met there.
When I came out of hospital, my passion for dairy farming had gone and I knew I should be working in mental health. I even had a psychology degree already and it seemed that may actually be an easier way of getting residency, which showed me that God had my life all planned out before I did! Way back at the time I was due to go to university, I was supposed to be doing archaeology – I changed my mind a few weeks before starting and randomly chose psychology instead. I was able to get a place at the last minute at the same university and at the time I didn’t think much of the fact that it was a competitive subject and just thought I was lucky to get on it.
So I was impatient, depressed and unhappy in my job but I had to keep dairy farming to be able to stay in the country and to support my partner to come here too. I also had a pretty distorted view of God, which He had to correct before I could move into my calling. I was angry and resentful towards Him as I felt He forced Himself into my life and I didn’t have any choice but to follow Him. I was fearful of Him but as it says in the bible; ‘fear of God is the beginning of wisdom’ (Proverbs 9:10), which is very true.
I ended up staying in dairy farming for almost another 3 years before I started working in mental health. During this time I journeyed with God, developing my knowledge of Him and my relationship with Him, and building up a whole new support network of friends and fellow believers as a few of my old ones had dumped me. God also continued healing me mentally, emotionally and in my relationships with my partner and parents, and He showed me that I could serve Him wherever I was.
I moved to another smaller farm for 2 years, with great employers who were supportive, understanding and let me go to church every week – even during calving time! While I was there I remember seeing a short documentary on dairy farming on the Christian TV channel about what a blessing the whole industry is, and even the miracle of the natural production of milk – a pure white substance coming from green grass! It was then that I first surrendered to God’s will for my employment, which I have had to do several times since then. I was able to run a faith-based peer support group for mental health at my church during this time, which was a great experience and helped both myself and the other group members through some hard times.